I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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