i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
