My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
