I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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