oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
