So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
