I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
