Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you would pick up someone in the library
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
