Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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