You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
