What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
