Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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