Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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