I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
