So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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