it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize