1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize