if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
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