really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Hippo gnu deer
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Randomize
