she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
