Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
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