I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
