my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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