So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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