i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
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