Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
