never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
