did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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