just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Randomize
