that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
