oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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