I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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