My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
