alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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