Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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