broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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