So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
