You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
