Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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