the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
