Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
