What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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