they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
