Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
