The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize