So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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