yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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