I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
