Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize