Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
She said her name was "party"
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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