I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
