things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
