They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
