I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
