Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
