are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
