we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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