I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
