I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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