You just made me feel so damn special
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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