I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
