You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Randomize
