Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just cut my nipple shaving
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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