Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
