What a fucking waste of an outfit
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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