If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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