i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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