the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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