Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
We got so high we made milksteak
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
