How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
