Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
