There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize