I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
