I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
