We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Randomize
