Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
