I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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