"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
