I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Randomize
