HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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