ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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