thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Randomize
