I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
In America we eat man semen.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
