I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
