Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
3 2 1 whiskey
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
