Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
