we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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