How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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