He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
