his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
