im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
