Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
