I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
