the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
