Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
